_______________________________

      Think Inside The Box 

           Living Large In Your
                  Cardboard Shanty
                         
                                by 
                      Diana Grove
_______________________________

Welcome to the New Depression!  Just because your home is in foreclosure and your Mom kicked you out of her basement for smoking her begonia bulbs doesn't mean you have to walk the streets roofless.  In troubled times it pays to be creative - if you can't afford traditional housing, why not make your own?  American Sideshow is here to give you the fine points on creating your very own living structure - the cardboard *shanty.

*shanty  [shan-tee]  a crudely built hut, cabin, or house for temporary use.  Often constructed of discarded bits of material swiped from building sites, tree houses, or the local dump.  (Also known as a "bum box," "Frigidaire Estates," or "Turd Hamlet.")

Popularized during The Great Depression, these meager structures housed thousands of homeless, often in entire communities.  Sometimes called “Hoovervilles,” “hobo jungles,”or "Shitty City" these ramshackle neighborhoods were often on the outskirts of urban centers with no running water, electricity or formal roads.  Perfect for the 1930’s scrapper whose only possessions were yesterday’s newspaper and a bucket of hoof paste.

                                

Today, you can create your own shanty with very little effort.  They are quick to build and can be made with just about anything.  Simply collect a few items from the recommended materials chart below, pick a deserted spot, then construct according to the following diagram.  

 

Recommended Materials	Use
wooden pallet	floor boards, walls, possible drawbridge
plastic sheeting	insulation, drapes, *sail (*if building an aqua-shanty)
chicken wire	internal support structure, keeping wild chickens at bay
cardboard	walls, ceiling, doors, signage (i.e. "God Bless This Shanty" or "Warning! May Contain Parvo Virus and Schizophrenic. Enter At Own Risk!")
corrugated metal	roofing, gun turrets
tin foil	pizzazz
duct tape	connecting all of the above

                        
                             The American Sideshow 
                    Do-It-Yourself Shanty  
 
                    (Print out diagram, fold into quadrants, then keep in shoe,  
                   or use as an absorbant bandage for recurring head wounds)

                        

  1.  Roof (aluminum panel stolen from nearby factory)
  2.  Trap door with peephole
  3.  Crudely cut window
  4.  Amana box
  5.  Duct tape reinforcements
  6.  Threatening sign (may include foul language and misspellings)
  7.  Pile of rocks
  8.  Garbage dump, abandoned field, or edge of K-Mart parking lot
  9.  Cloud of despair (or ennui - depending on season)

Warning: This shanty is not guaranteed against fire, toxic emissions, or inclement weather.  If disassembly occurs, reposition #4 and add more duct tape.
 
_____________________________________________________________________ 

        This edition of American Sideshow is brought to you by....

 

                                      Ask Betty!
                       Your New Depression Advice Columnist

             Decorating Your Shanty in 6 Easy Steps

Hi gang!  You’re probably wondering how to turn your new cardboard appliance box into a beautiful and inviting home.  Don’t worry, with a little time and these 6 easy steps you’ll be living a decorator’s dream in no time.

Color Scheme:  Nothing says “welcome home” more than a vibrant color scheme.  When choosing wall colors, pick hues that make you feel warm and comfortable (or, if you have a psychotic mood disorder, safe and sedated).  Choose cool blues and greens for a calming effect, or intense reds and oranges to frighten off vagrants.
 
Pick a style:  Casual country, elegant Victorian, Bogotá barrio - all of these decorating styles will define your space and let the world know who you are.  If you collect rodent pelts - choose a rustic look, if tin foil is more your thing- go for 1950’s modern.  (Note: be cautious not to mix styles, a sardine tin sideboard will clash with an ottoman made of human teeth.)

Lighting:  Lighting makes a space intimate and inviting.  Choose a low, glowing light to create a hearth-like effect. If lamps are scarce, this can be achieved with a flashlight or the flame of a single match.  Or, for added ambience, prop open the door with a branch and bask in the glow of a nearby industrial fire.  (Hint: Low-hanging power lines can be a source of handy “available” energy.)

Window treatments:  It is often said a house isn’t a home until the curtains are hung.  How true!  To soften the look of a plain window, use a drape of Polyethylene sheeting or a string of gently used tube socks, then simply tie back with a handy strip of electrical tape.

Accessorize:  Accessories give a home interest and appeal.  Highlight your living area with objects that reflect your personality and lifestyle, like cement bag throw pillows, photographs of other people’s family, and empty bottles of Thorazine.  (When it comes to living in a 3x6 foot space, never underestimate the usefulness of anti-psychotics.)

Bring nature in:   Adding greenery to your home will create a calming atmosphere, as well as provide much-needed oxygen to the lingering fumes of raw sewage.  Green things up by repotting wild nettles in a tin can, or just drag in an old log - either way you’ll be saying *“Voici, tres magnifique nature!”

*Note: This is French for “behold, magnificent nature” not “freeze, you’re under arrest for stealing electricity.”

                              Then, join our mailing list!

                                   Simpy email DianaLGrove@aol.com 
                           and type American Sideshow in the subject line.
                                If you like what you see, tell your friends. 
                     (Your email address will not be shared with third parties.)
 _____________________________________________________________________

              Check out American Sideshow's top fan picks...

                               Exquisite Corpse: The Love Letters 

                   Eleven Unusual Sexual Positions and The Babies They Make

               Boris and Yuri Very Much Invite You To Tour Beautiful Verblinzk

                              The Vulgarian's Guide To The Perfect Insult

                               Christians, Cocksucking and Garlic Fries

 _____________________________________________________________________

                Peruse All The Great Sideshow Pages, Like...

The Sideshow Archive  A juicy backlog of all things Sideshow.

Grovipiana   Read the published work of Diana Grove (Which is
                         really just a lot of hoo-ha about sex and wild animals.)

MySpace.com   If 14-year-olds can do it, so can we.

Chippy and Dodd   America's premier advice coulumnists, dishing
                                     out questionable counsel since 1969.

Interviews  Examining the lives of Presidents, war criminals,
                      dominatrixes, plumbers, and Calvin Trillin.

Monodish!  One-dish recipes that will make both God AND your
                       mother proud.

Bentwood's Corner  He's got a fiery spirit and no nose, read the
                                        political rantings of our very own war hero.

Bios   Get the low down on the American Sideshow staff (and read how
            our manager separated his conjoined twin with a sharpened butter
            knife).

Contact  Go ahead, contact us, I dare 'ya...

Links   Check out more sites that will dampen your lip and alarm the
               authorities.

 Merchandise  You're American aren't you, shouldn't you be buying 
                            something?

Quotes  Amuse your friends with notable quotables.