American Sideshow's Monodish! Cooking The Monotheistic Way


Real honest to goodness recipes from America's heartland, prepared in the spirit of the Lord (the Christian Lord) so as not to muss more than one dish.  Economy, thrift, and Campbell's Cream of Mushroom soup - isn't that what Jesus would want? 

 

Stuffed Heart with "Surprise" Sauce 

1 Calf's heart
2 cups breadcrumbs
1 tsp. fat
1peeled onion
1 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
1/8 tsp herb

"Surprise" Sauce:  1 can cream of mushroom soup

Wash the heart thoroughly and remove veins and arteries.  Soak about 15 minutes in acidulated cold water.  Soak the breadcrumbs in water to soften, then mix with fat and seasonings.  Stuff the heart with half of this mixture.  Sew the opening together, sprinkle with salt and pepper, then dredge in flour.  Brown quickly in a hot greasy frying pan.  Place the onion in the bottom of a casserole, place heart on top, add 1 cup of water, cover, then bake at 350 degrees for 2 hours.  Serve on a decorative platter, then immediately discard, because nobody's going to eat a cow heart and you know it.  Instead, serve "Surprise" Sauce in large bowels with crushed crackers and pickles on the side.  
                                                  
                                                                      Katherine Fisher - Director
                                                       
Good Housekeeping Institute - 1927 edition

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                        It's a sin not to share, just ask your mother.
                  So go ahead and send your favorite Monodish
                        recipe to SideshowContact@aol.com

 

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Warning: Preparing or consuming any said Monodish may cause severe gastrointestinal disturbances such as bloating, acid indigestion, ulcerations, and colon leakage, particularly to those who are Catholic, Jewish, or other.  American Sideshow is not responsible for any adverse bodily reactions, kitchen fires or explosions.  Also, do not drink cooking sherry or denatured alcohol while operating heavy machinery.  Praise the Lord. 
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Monodish Archive

7/06

Dutch Meat Loaf

2 pounds hamburger meat
2/ 1/2 cups bread crumbs
1 cup cubed cheese (Velveeta or other)
salt and pepper
1/4 green pepper chopped
1 small onion
parsley (optional)
2 eggs
1 cup ketchup

Mix ingredients together with one clean hand (reserve other hand for answering phone or doing the Daily Jumble).  Mix a little water and ketchup together to make a thin, runny paste and pour over top of loaf.  Pack into bread pan and bake 1 hour in 350 degree oven, or until it looks more Dutch than it did when it was raw.

                                                                        Mrs. Caroline Webdingle
                                                                     Women's Club Meat Journal
                                                                           West Liberty, Ohio

 

 

2/22/06

Corn Chip Casserole

1/2 pound bologna
1 cup crushed corn chips
1 cup canned peas
1/2 cup milk
1 can celery soup

With a big spoon, mix together all non-corn chip ingredients.  When it begins to resemble something from the emergency room, smooth out a layer in a large casserole dish then alternate mixture with corn chips.  Then, if you can stand the look of it, bake in 350 degree oven for 30 minutes.  Feeds 8 farm hands real good.
                                                                          Mrs. Eli Yutzy
                                                               The Womens Evangelistic Auxiliary
                                                                          Plain City, Ohio

 

Yam Fluff

3 good sized yams
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup brown sugar
2 tablespoons butter
1/4 cup mixed nuts

Pare and cook yams in water with salt until they are nice and tender.  Drain off water then mash with fork, mallet or clean fist.  Add sugar, butter and nuts.  Mix well and place in well greased casserole dish.  If you want to get all fancy, arrange marshmallows on top in the shape of a happy face or a large deer.  Return to oven and brown lightly.

                                                                      Mrs. Gloria Weinbrenner
                                                                     Tipp City Cookin' Queens
                                                                            Tipp City, Ohio

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1/19/06

Hot Sliced Beets

1 1/2 tsp. butter
3/4 tsp. cornstarch
2 tbs brown sugar
1/3 cup orange juice
salt and pepper to taste
a whole mess of hot, sliced beets

Cook ingredients together until a watery, red sauce is formed.  Pour over the beets, then serve immediately.  Or, if you feel like it, wait a while.  It's not like anyone's gonnna be running in to eat 'em anyway.  Goes good with corn balls.
                                                                                          Erma LaPine
                                                                        Sheboygan Methodist Women's Auxiliary
                                                                                        Sheboygan, WI

Corn Balls

1/2 cup chopped onions
1/2 cup chopped celery
1 cup water
1 can creamed corn
1 8oz. package stuffing
3 egg yolks beaten sensless
1/2 cup melted butter

Saute onion and celery in 2 T butter in large fry pan.  Check to see if anything racy happed on One Life To Live, if not, add water and corn to the pan.  If Rhonda still hasn't figured out that Gregory has an evil half-brother, then pour mixture over stuffing, add egg yolks, and mix together.  Right about now is a good time to switch over to All My Children to see if Laura is still alive.  If she is, form mixture into 2 inch balls, place in a 8 x 12 pan and drizzle with melted butter.  If she's not, switch over to As The World Turns and bake in a 350 degree oven for 15 minutes.  Cover with tin foil and serve with last week's ham loaf.

                                                                                   Marge Marlbraughten
                                                                                       Women's Club
                                                                                         Cornlick, IN

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12/19/05 

Jesus' Meat Balls

1 package dry onion soup mix
1 1/2 cups water
2 8oz. cans tomato sauce or ketchup mixed with tap water
1 lb. ground beef
1/2 teaspoon garlic salt (optional)
1/2 teaspoon thyme
dash of pepper
handful of parsley flakes

In a gigantic saucepan, bring the soup mix, water and tomato sauce to a quick boil.  Simmer 10 minutes covered.  With clean hands, mix hamburger meat, seasoning, parsley and remaining tomato sauce and shape into 16 meat balls.  Arrange neatly into sauce in the shape of a cross and simmer gently for about 25 minutes or however long it takes to locate the Baby Jesus serving platter.  Then, serve over holiday spaghetti and garnish with tinsle.  Freezes well.

                                                               Earnestine Woodfork
                                                    Fort Bend Christian Women's Club
                                                                    Fort Bend, IN

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11/05/05

Yankee Doodle Goulash

Handful of diced onions
Oleo
1 pound hamburger meat
1 cup cooked macaroni
1 can Cream of Chicken soup
½ cup water
½ cup catsup
Some bread crumbs

In a large skillet, brown onions in oleo, then add burger meat. (If your Lutheran and using butter, try not to scorch it.)  Combine onions, meat, macaroni, soup, water and catsup and place in a good sized casserole.  Sprinkle with the bread crumbs and bake at 350 until done (about 1 hour).  If the family doesn’t like it, tell 'em you’ll make turnip casserole next it they don’t shut their yaps and dig in.  (May also be used for small plaster repairs.)

                                                                         Jinny Linn Shlepperer
                                                                 1st Methodist Church Whip-Up
                                                                           Dust Creek, OH


Beef Tongue Piquant

1 fresh tongue
1 carrot
1 red pepper
1 onion
1 stalk celery
1 pinch of salt

Place the tongue in a kettle and cover with boiling water, adding the vegetables and seasoning.  To keep the cat from getting at it, cover and cook until tender.  Take the tongue from the kettle and remove the skin and root.  Shake off excess moisture and make it sing a little song, if you think that kind of thing is funny.  When you’re done with such nonsense, put it back in the kettle and reheat.  When it starts to resemble something other than a gigantic cow’s tongue, slice it in half-inch strips and serve it on a large plate with a can of warmed white sauce.  If it turns out to be too piquant, send it to the Mexicans down the road, they welcome a good tongue now and then.

                                                           Mavis Willey
                                  3rd Methodist Church, Our Lord and Savior Cookbook
                                                           Peotone, IL

 

10/19/05

Tater Tot Jamboree

2 pounds ground beef
1 cup of diced onion
2 cans of Cream of Mushroom soup
1 teaspoon salt and pepper
1 large bag of frozen vegetables
1 large bag Tater Tots

Brown ground beef mixed with onions and salt and pepper.  Put in a large, rectangular pan.  Or a medium square pan.  Or two pie pans.  Or just find a big pot that isn’t too dusty.  Then cover with soup.  Sprinkle frozen vegetables over soup layer and place Tater Tots end-side up, resembling  tree stumps after the great Cahokia fire.  Bake at 375 for 1 hour.  Serve with red-flavored Kool-Aid.

                                                               Alvira Whipplenutz
                                                        Eastern Star Women’s Auxiliary
                                                                    Keokuk, IL
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Spaghetti Pie

Pie shell:

8 oz. spaghetti
2 tablespoons butter
1/3 cup grated Parmesan cheese
2 well-beaten eggs

Filling:

1 cup cottage cheese
1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese

Sauce:

1 pound ground beef
½ cup chopped onion
1 large can spaghetti sauce

Cook spaghetti according to directions, anyone can do that.  Then stir butter, parmesan cheese and eggs into hot spaghetti.  Form spaghetti mixture into a “crust” in a ceramic pie plate using the palm of your hand or anything else that’s flat and clean.  Cook, uncovered, until spaghetti crust is as firm and crunchy as a creosote shingle.  In a frying pan, sauté the beef and onion and add sauce.  Heat until bubbly, then turn off stove.  Now is a good time to either take a short nap or go out back and see if the weevils have gotten to the cabbage yet.  Next, if you feel up to it, spread cottage cheese all over the “crust” and fill pie with tomato mixture.  Cover with waxed paper and cook 6 to 7 minutes.  If it looks worth eating top with mozzarella cheese and cook for 1 additional minute until it begins to ooze.  Let stand 8 to 10 minutes before cutting into wedges.  Serve on pie plates and hope to God know one thinks it’s mincemeat.
                                                                      Germaine Hickenlooper
                                                   5th Presbyterian Church of ChrisCookbook
                                                                     New Newbrunswick, MN

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8/15/05

Chicken Ring

1 whole chicken (or grouse, pheasant, quail, or prairie snark)
2 cups bread crumbs
1 cup cooked rice

Ingredients for Gravy
Splash of broth
¼ cup cream
1 ½ teaspoon salt
3 cups milk
4 well-beaten eggs

Cook bird until tender.  Take chicken off bones and cut into chunks avoiding buckshot.  Add bread crumbs, rice, salt and milk.  Add eggs taking care not to shatter the shell.  If you do shatter the shell, try not to worry about it too much, you probably won’t go to hell for it.  Mix together ingredients and locate ring mold on upper left shelf in between the rusted duck press and the beet whipper.  Grease mold and bake for about an hour or so at 325 degrees.  Allow to cool before unmolding, otherwise you’ll have an ungodly mess reminiscent of last year’s Hot Liver Kugel. Make gravy and serve ring on a fancy dish.

                                                                           Frieda Furrburger
                                                                   A Taste of Christ Lutheran
                                                                             Sharon, WI

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Surprise Casserole


1 pound hamburger (or other ground meat product)
¾ cup cubed processed cheese
1 package egg noodles
1 can Cream of Mushroom soup
1 can Cream of Celery soup
2 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
½ cup bread crumbs
Salt and Pepper (optional)

Season hamburger meat with salt and pepper.  Form meat into balls around cubed cheese.  Cook meatballs in skillet until brown on all sides.  Be sure to wear proper clothing, this does not mean a tub top.  Drain grease carefully and save in coffee can under sink (the grease not the meatballs).  Cook noodles until they’re done, then place in lightly greased casserole dish.  Stir in soups, Parmesan cheese and meat, then top with bread crumbs.  Bake in 375 degree oven for 45 minutes then tell everyone you’re going out to dinner - that’s the surprise.

                                                                         Louella Lidbury
                                                       Church of Christ Savior Cook ‘Em Up
                                                                           Climax, MI

 

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8/1/05

Hot Potato Chip Dish

1 large bag potato chips
1 can peas
1 can diced chicken (or tuna in a pinch)
1 can cream of mushroom soup

Arrange layer of chips in baking dish.  Then a layer of peas.  Then a layer of chicken.  Repeat layers, then pour can of soup over everything and top with crushed potato chips.  Bake in 350 degree oven for about ½ hour or until it solidifies into a cream-colored mass.  (If the husband gripes, tell him it’s either this or goat feed.  That should shut him up for once.)

                                                                                Mrs. Homer Graper
                                                                       Palmyra Heritage Cook Book
                                                                                   Palmyra, WI

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Checkerboard Square Clam Crunch

¼ cup Flour
½ teaspoon Baking Powder
¼ teaspoon Salt
1/8 teaspoon Pepper
1 tablespoon Parsley, chopped
6 ½ oz. Can of minced clams
1 Egg, beaten
2 cups Rice Chex cereal
Oil for frying
Sour Cream on the side

For God’s sake do not drain the clams!  Combine flour, baking powder, salt, pepper, and parsley.  Slowly add clam liquid from can until smooth.  Carefully add egg to clam mixture.  Mix well.  Speak softly to the clams, they’ve had a hard life.  Stir in Rice Chex to coat then stand around for 10 minutes.  At this point it’s ok to eat some of the Rice Chex.  What else are you going to do, cure cancer?  Heat oil to 1/8th inch in clam skillet.  If you don’t have a clam skillet try not to worry about it too much and use a regular skillet.  Drop heaping tablespoons of clam stuff into the hot oil, being careful not to burn your self, the children or the cat.  Pat the clam globules into 8, 3-inch patties and brown over medium heat.  Turn once, unless you’re a busy body then turn twice.  Drain patties on absorbent paper towels, set on decorative serving tray, then sit around and look at the wallpaper.


                                                                                        Louella Cromley
                                                                                   Eastern Star Cook Book
                                                                                        Moose Head, MI 

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Dream Cream Corn

30 fresh cobs of corn
1 pint half & half cream (or, if you've got it, the top skimmings from your best milker)
1 stick butter
salt and pepper to taste (optional)

Cut kernels from cobs with a knife sharp enough to de-branch a maple tree but not sharp enough to sever any major arteries.  Put kernels in pan with butter, cream, salt and pepper.  Cover and bake 1 hour at 300 degrees, stirring occasionally.  Eat as much as you can stand, then throw the rest in the freezer next to last year's Dream Cream Corn.

                                                                                 -Marva Yearly
                                                              The 4-H Little Cookers Cook Book
                                                                                  Peotone, IL

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Homemade Soap

This isn’t a dish, but what else are you going to do with
all of that clean, strained grease you’ve got lying around.

5 pounds clean, strained grease
1 can lye
1 teaspoon Borax
½ cup Ammonia
¼ cup gasoline
1 quart soft, cold water
1 teaspoon oil of sassafras (or any other kind of perfume
   that will detract horse flies)

Dissolve lye in pint of soft water.  Melt grease, strain, then cool.  Add 1 pint of cold water to lye solution.  Add grease.  Add remaining ingredients and stir well.  Line a wooden box (like a peach box or a bible case) with several layers of newspapers and then a cloth wrung out with cold water.  When soap has thickened up, pour into box.  Before soap sets up too hard, cut into circles, squares, or the profiles of your favorite saints.  Soap will be ready in two weeks (or just before the Lutheran Ham Jam, whichever comes first).

                                                                            Betty Ruedebusch
                                                       The Lutheran Women’s Club Cookbook
                                                                              Topeka, KA

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Hot Lunch Dish


1 cup Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom soup
1 cup milk
1 small package Velvetta cheese
1 small jar of pimentos
1 green pepper (cut fine and parboiled)
6 hard-cooked eggs (cubed)
¼ pound Spam (sliced, diced, cubed, shredded, ground, or otherwise deconstructed from damp, brick-like form)


Dissolve cheese in milk, add soup, pimento, green pepper, eggs and meat.  Cook over low heat while re-adjusting support hose and worrying about the weather.  Then, dissolve 1 tablespoon flour in ¼ cup milk to thicken, stirring often.  Serve over Chow Mein noodles or just take out back and throw at the cow.  (Serves 4)


                                                                     Eunice Ringstmeyer,
                                                          American Legion Auxilliary Cook Book
                                                                              Palatine, IL


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Ham Loaf


2/3 pound ground ham
1/3 pound ground pork
1 cup cracker crumbs
2 eggs beaten
¼ teaspoon pepper
1 cup milk


Topping


1/3 cup brown sugar
1 tablespoon dry mustard
¼ cup vinegar


Mix above ingredients and put in a 4x8 pan.  Do not be alarmed if uncooked ingredients look like Ralph McPherson’s forearm after the combine accident.  Spread on topping. Bake at 350 degrees for 50 minutes.  (Serves one large family.)  Warn children if they feed ham loaf to the dog there will be no nut logs for Christmas.


                                                                     Marion Bowlhoffer
                                                               Women’s Club Cook-A-Rama
                                                                       Wauwautosa, WI


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Mother Burton’s Hot Dish


2 cups Creamettes Macaroni, uncooked
2 cans Cream of Mushroom soup
2 cups milk
2 cups cooked meat (hog, chicken, cow or other)
4 hard-cooked eggs, crumbled
½ pound grated American cheese
½ green pepper, chopped
1 teaspoon salt
Pinch of pepper
1 small pimento, chopped (optional)
Handfull of crushed potato chips


Mix all ingredients and place in a bowl no larger than your head, refrigerate overnight.  Smooth into a 9 x 13 casserole dish and bake at 350 degrees for 1 ½ hours.  Top with crushed potato chips or anything else that’s crunchy and lying around the house. (Serves 1 Methodist picnic)


                                                                            Nelda Burton
                                                       The Ladies United Methodist Cook Book
                                                                          Kalamazoo, MI