American Sideshow's
       Quotable Quotes

"All good parties begin with beef."

"The only difference between pants and a skirt is the extra hole."

"Forgetfulness is only a charming characteristic when it results in nudity."

"A camping shovel and a shallow grave will clean up any mess."

"Sex with the lights out?  No way, I'm afraid I'd end up in the closet groping a rain slicker."

"New Orleans, come for the destruction, stay for the real estate."

"Desire is the undoing of man, but desire unfulfilled is his casket."

"She's great in bed, but I hear she practices mirth control."

"Sleep is something best done when one is not awake."

"That girl's got more expandable pockets than a Bulgarian mountain pack."

"I find night time excellent for sleeping, so I pretty much just lay around and do that all night."

"Cows are more practical pets than dogs.  When the novelty wears off, just eat them."

"Never high-five a man wearing mittens."

"Wanna get sticky and scare the cats?"

"Condoms are for pantywaists.  Ride bareback or die!"

"I miss you like a wound misses its wrapping"

"The wildlife has begun to use Brill Cream in their mating rituals."

"Babies are 60% rubber and 40% water, so dropping them will always bring a rebound."

"The Romanians have discovered stretch pants, much to the alarm of the E.U."

"Forget it sister, the dance has left his pants."

"Her thighs were as moist as a freshly drowned kitten."

New Fall Car Line Up:  Mazda Miasma, Ford Fiasco, Dodge Quandry and the Chevy Chagrin

"Stingrays are like rubbery paper plates, flapping around the ocean floor looking for hotdogs."

"Pardon me, would you like to dance?"  "I'm sorry, my bone structure won't support a wiggle."