_______________________________
Svetlana Petrokov:
Secret Agent
Diana Grove
_______________________________
American Sideshow is proud to present Chapter Two of our ongoing series,
"What Kind of Human Being Are You?!" Turning The Tables On Internet Con Men.
Meet our new subject, Dr. Svetlana Petrokov - chemical engineer and former Soviet spy. This fictional character responds to a phony job offer from Jiangsu Tianyin Chemical Company fronted by "Mr. Cheng," a cold-hearted Internet fraudster and proceeds to engage him with her employment.
Here's how the scam works...Mr. Cheng hires Svetlana, then tries to steal her $2,000. Svetlana takes the job, then drives him so insane he considers going back to repectable crimes like tax evasion and chewing Double Bubble in Tiananmen Square. And don't forget...it's all 100% true!
Will Mr. Cheng actually hire an employee who specializes in the deforestation of the Asian Pacific Rim? Will Svetlana give him the secret ingredient of the world's most powerful chemical? Will Henry Kissinger kill more innocent civilians and will monkys be involved?
Read on and find out for yourself...
______________________________________________________
Subject: Important Job Offer
Date: 2/11/07 4:13:03 A.M. Central Standard Time
From: robcheng_jiangsutianyin@yahoo.com
FROM THE DESK OF
JIANGSU TIANYIN CHEMICALS
Attention
This notification is in pursuant to quest/urgent need for a
REPRESENTATIVE in JIANGSU TIANYIN CHEMICAL COMPANY based in China.
Over the years we have accumulated invaluable experience in our business and we are proud to claim we are second to none. We aim to be an alert, robust and innovative global company. Suffice to say here, prior to the increase in demand of our products in North and South America and Europe, we have decided to move our products fully into these continents.
However, we are searching for reliable persons who can act as a RECEIVING PAYMENTS AGENT who will act as medium of reach between our customers and us in their area of locality. Note that if finally approved as our Representative, you are entitled to an annual income of $24,000 USD and 10% of whatever amount you receive from customers.
Subject to your satisfaction regarding your interest in being a "REPRESENTATIVE AGENT "in the above location and your locality,
please fill out this form below with your resume attached and send via this email: robcheng_jiangsutianyin@yahoo.com
JIANGSU TIANYIN CHEMICAL COMPANY
RECEIVING PAYMENT ACCOUNT FORM
Title : Ms/ Mr/ Mrs/ Dr: .........................................
First Name: ..............................................................
Surname: ..................................................................
Age: 25-65+ : ............................................................
Relevant Experience: ..............................................
Your Company Name: ............................................
Monthly Income: .....................................................
Country: ...................................................................
Residential Address: ...............................................
Phone Number: .......................................................
Fax Number: ............................................................
Email Address: ........................................................
Very Respectfully,
Mr. Robert Cheng
Foreign Service manager.
Tel : +447011133091.
Fax : +447092882099.
JIANGSU TIANYIN CHEMICAL INDUSTRY Co.Ltd.
UNITED KINGDOM OFFICE
FLOOR 3&4, NEWTON HOUSE,
132, NEW BOND STREET,
LONDON, W1S2UD.
ENGLAND.
_______________________________________________________________
Subject: Dr. Petrokov Job Resume
Date: 2/12/07 11:42:07 A.M. Central Standard Time
From: SvetlanaPetrokov@gmail.com
Dear Mr. Cheng,
I am very interested in your job offer at JIANGSU TIANYIN CHEMICALS. I have many years of experience with chemical agents, particularly dimethyl methylphosphonate and Thiodiglycol as well as Agent 15, CS gas and other crowd control substances. Enclosed you will find my resume and job qualifications. Please feel free to contact me day or night, I am at your disposal.
Sincerely,
Svetlana Petrokov
Dr. Svetlana Petrokov, Ph.D
Hotel Sovietsky - Room #331
32 Leningradskii Prospekt
Moscow, USSR 125040
7(095)363-2549
Skills: A hard-working Chemical Specialist with an emphasis on binary munitions and deciduous deforestation. Fields of expertise include: mapping wind dispersal, gas dissemination and weaponry in general. A very loyal employee who is trained to work for unlimited hours without food, water, or sunlight and with little or no fresh air. A true-blue worker who will not quit until the job is done, then re-done with utmost satisfaction.
Education: Mendeleev University of Chemical Technology (1952-55). General Science Degree with an emphasis on incapacitating agents and gastrointestinal hemorrhaging.
Nikita Krushchev School of Advanced Polytechnics (1955-57) Advanced degree in Deciduous Deforestation with sub-degrees in Skin Displacement and Acute Bronchospasm.
1996 – 2005: Zardon Chemicals and Bio-Reactionary Institute-
Moscow - Chief Defoliation Expert
Responsibilities: Researching the expiration of bio-
greenery in the Asian Pacific Rim as well as bark
dissemination and root liquidation of North
America’s Great Cedars.
1994-1996: Ministry of Weapons and Foreign Affairs – Spray
Tank Division
Special Agent in Wind Dispersal at Chechen Salt
Flats Responsibilities: Mapping, tracking and
analyzing the dispersal of incapacitating agents with
an emphasis in light seizures and loss of
consciousness.
1986-1998: Iysocketlosskii Center for Corneal Damage- Chernobyl
Head of Aberrational Studies
Responsibilities: Charting detached, reattached and
slightly misplaced corneas due to general radiation
involvement. Participated in corneal replacement
of Minister of Fallout, Victor Noskinski
1977-1986 Thanatovsky Inc.Vapor Initiative
Assistant Vapor Advisor and Protective Ointment
Specialist Responsibilities: Overseeing research
and development of Novichok Vapors and CS gas.
1985 - Won medal of honor for inventing gas-
impermeable body sheath- “The Svetlana Suit
3000” (see photo below)
1971-1972: Mortiz and Riggorz Research and Development
Project Doctor of Engineering and Implementation –
Explosives Division Responsibilities: Designing and
implementing exploding rucksacks for the Lithuanian
Student Revolt. Also developed hypergolic pencils
with C4 exploding erasers.
1962-1971: Head Nanny for Minister of Energy – Vladimir
Popanutz Child-Care Specialist/Secretary
Responsibilities: Maintaining educational control of 3
children aged 1-6 while logging petroleum and natural
gas lines of the Greater Siberian Gulch.
1958-1962: Intensive Study under Grigori Yefimovich Rasputin
The IV Student/Research Assistant
Responsibilities: Education in the art of mystical
transcendence and governmental mind control, plus
light housekeeping.
References: Constantin Churnbludski - Zardon Chemicals
7(495) 2339680)
Petra Curtainovski - Minister of the Interior –
Drapery Division 7(495)254-8597)
Tamarakova Insinuitsky - Chechen Deflection
Initiative-Moscow 7(495)297-7765)
The “Svetlana Suit 3000” (patent # 33874)
______________________________________________________________
Subject: GREETINGS MANAGER
Date: 2/14/07 3:16: A.M. Central Standard Time
From: robcheng_jiangsutianyin@yahoo.com
ATTN: Dr. Svetlana Petrokov,
We at Tianyin Chemical Industry have found you suitable for the job qualification. Concerning your appointment, I am glad to let you know that you are not only going to be our representative, but also our Foreign Service Manager at the Regional Office we intend building In Moscow, this therefore means that you are going to be pretty busy. I will send you all you need to do as we proceed.
Waiting for your response to this mail.
Sincerely,
Mr. Robert.H. Cheng
Foreign Service Manager
JIANGSU TIANYIN CHEMICAL INDUSTRY Co.Ltd.
UNITED KINGDOM OFFICE
FLOOR 3&4, NEWTON HOUSE,
132, NEW BOND STREET,
LONDON, W1S2UD.
ENGLAND.
_______________________________________________________________
Subject: I Am Very Eager To Begin
Date: 2/14/07 8:02: A.M. Central Standard Time
From: SvetlanaPetrokov@gmail.com
Mr. Cheng,
I am most delighted that I have received a promotion even before I have been formally hired by Tianyin Chemical. I can assure you I will work tirelessly to make the Regional Moscow Office a place of hard work and high efficiency. I have already packed up my lab equipment in anticipation of the move. I look forward to speaking with you about a top-secret chemical agent I have been working on.
Please let me know if there is anything I need to prepare for my future work.
In eager anticipation,
Dr. Svetlana Petrokov
_______________________________________________________________
Subject: Progress Report
Date: 2/20/07 3:21 A.M. Central Standard Time
From: robcheng_jiangsutianyin@yahoo.com
ATTN: Dr. Svetlana,
Thanks for your reply. Sorry for the delay in attending to your mail, I am always very busy trying to put all regional branches in order.
I want you to know that I am putting up some money to be transfered to you so we can start purchasing the plot along with the materials needed to put a gigantic building in place. I will get back to you immediately when I am done to tell you how you are going get the funds claimed.
Take care my dear partner and friend.
Sincerely,
Mr. Robert.H. Cheng
Foreign Service Manager
Tianyin Chemical Industry.
_______________________________________________________________
Subject: Special Building Requirements
Date: 2/21/07 9:36 A.M. Central Standard Time
From: SvetlanaPetrokov@gmail.com
Mr. Cheng,
I am glad to hear the building you are planning is going to be “gigantic.” As manager of the regional office I must insist we have enough room for a state-of-the art chemical lab and at least 100 research assistants. I am developing a revolutionary nerve agent that will bring great wealth and recognition to Tianyin Chemical. Allow me to tell you a little about it.
In 1990 I was commissioned by the Russian government to produce a drug called “Apatheron,” which was designed to produce a mind-numbing effect useful for crowd control. Unfortunately, it produced an unwelcome side effect of unmitigated weight gain that was found unacceptable by my superiors, so I was asked to re-synthesize the compound. As I was busy perfecting the new solution, my husband, Victor Striblitzki, became a double agent and snuck the drug into the hands of top officials in the White House. With great effect they have been using it on the American public ever since.
Unfortunately, my husband met a tragic end. After beating Henry Kissinger at a game of pinochle, he was later killed with a radioactive Polonium martini at the bar of the Hay-Adams. I would say it was a sad day for me, but I had my tear ducts removed while working with the Department of Weaponry, so I found it to be mostly an inconvenience.
Mr. Cheng, as long as my new lab is properly equipped, I promise the improved compound, “Apetheron-X,” will be far superior to the old version and skyrocket Tianyin Chemical Company to new financial heights. Therefore, I must insist we include in the budget a 50 amp. platinum Spectrometer as well as a half a dozen buret clamps and a large supply of human restraint devices. If everything goes according to plan, nuisances like “revolution” and “freedom of speech” will be a thing of the past.
P.S. This information is top-secret and should not be shared with other parties. Make sure you delete this email immediately and ingest any hardcopies for your own protection.
Yours faithfully,
Dr. Svetlana
_______________________________________________________________
Subject: Banking Information
Date: 2/22/07 4:43 A.M. Central Standard Time
From: robcheng_jiangsutianyin@yahoo.com
ATTN: Dr. Svetlana Petrokov,
Thanks for your urgent reply to my mail. It definitely shows loyalty and seriousness on your part as to achieving our aim in building a regional office in your country.
Meanwhile, all the sugestions you made regarding the compound "Apetheron-X" will be looked into. I promise you that with the amount of money I am sending you it will cover all the expenses to be made.
At this Juncture, I have made available the sum of $400,000.00 USD (FOUR HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES AMERICAN DOLLARS) for transfer via Postbank online in the UK to your desiganted bank account.
I therefore implore you to send me your banking details for onward transfer of the said funds.
Note:- I have opened an email address for you on Yahoo Mail so we could chat online. The address is: dr_s_petrokov@yahoo.co.uk and the password is: Moscow. It is always our duty to create a Yahoo Mail address for our representatives to enhance our conversation. With it, we can chat and get this done swiftly.
Please get back to me as soon as possible as I have been trying to get you on the phone to no avail.
I await your urgent reply to this regard.
Sincerely,
Mr. Robert.H. Cheng
_______________________________________________________________
Subject: Account Information
Date: 2/23/07 11:26 A.M. Central Standard Time
From: SvetlanaPetrokov@gmail.com
Dear Mr. Cheng,
I want to thank you for supplying the allotted funds, I’m sure it will be more than adequate to fund the project. Regarding a bank account number, I still fear the U.S. government is attempting to hunt me down after the death of my husband, therefore I have been fearful of keeping traceable bank records and have been dealing only in cash. I hope you understand this will in no way affect my working relationship with Tianyin Chemical. I plan to work tirelessly for the company, and considering I had my frontal lobe altered so I require no sleep, this should not be difficult.
It is because of this delicate situation I am staying at the Hotel Sovietski under various assumed names (i.e.: “Ivinska Tumultikov,” “Katrina Abhorikov,” and occasionally “Judge Roy Bean”). Ivan, the desk attendant, often does not know which room I am staying in as I change locations every other day to avoid detection.
I’m afraid it would be unwise for me to use Yahoo for company communication as it is heavily monitored by the Secret Service. Gmail is still the best for top-secret information like ours.
I await your response and further orders.
You’re faithful partner,
Dr. Svetlana (a.k.a. “Agent S”)
_______________________________________________________
Subject: Do The Needful Thing
Date: 2/26/07 4:13 A.M. Central Standard Time
From: robcheng_jiangsutianyin@yahoo.com
ATTN: Dr. Svetlana Petrokov,
In receipt of your mail all the reasons you gave is well understood. But we need an account detail in your country to enable us to transfer the said funds. Without banking details, there is no way we can transfer the money.
I implore and advice that you furnish us with one to enable us to carry out our aim. Since you do not agree to use the Yahoo mailbox I created, I instruct that you create a Gmail address for the company. I believe it has a chatting facility.
Reply to me urgently to effect the onward transfer of the funds.
Sincerely,
Mr. Robert H. Cheng
_______________________________________________________________
Subject: Account Information
Date: 2/27/07 8:19 A.M. Central Standard Time
From: SvetlanaPetrokov@gmail.com
Mr. Cheng,
As you ordered, I opened an account ( #009547654-3497721007) at the Bank of Moscow on Rozhdiestvenka Street under the name “Igor Vilanovski.” To avoid detection by U.S. agents, I took a circuitous route and disguised myself as a common coal worker. At first I was afraid the prosthetic nose and chin putty would give me away, but apparently bank directors will do anything for 2,600, 000 Rubles.
Mr. Cheng, you must realize how delicate my situation is. I’m afraid chatting facilities are exactly where Agents Y and Z will be looking. I must insist we do our business through this secure address only, I do hope you understand.
In regards to the new lab, I find it imperative we add on an additional 100,000 to the laboratory budget. I will need that for my primate wing. I currently have 6 retired chimpanzees from the Soviet space program in my hotel room. So far Yuri and Boris are responding well to my behavioral modification program, although last night Yuri had an incident with one of the complimentary corkscrews from the mini bar and there was quite a mess. This confirms my previous suspicion - that Apetheron-X and smoked almonds do not mix.
I await further orders.
Your obedient servant,
Agent S.
______________________________________________________________
Subject: Transfer Authorized
Date: 2/28/07 7:23 A.M. Central Standard Time
From: robcheng_jiangsutianyin@yahoo.com
ATTN: Dr. Svetlana Petrokov,
We are indeed very grateful for your bold step towards the achievements of JIANGSU TIANYIN CHEMICAL INDUSTRY CO. LTD in your country.
I, as the Foreign Service Manager to this great company hereby authorize the transfer of $400,000.00(FOUR HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) to the Account Informations you have provided.
You will recieve a mail from the Account Department of Post Bank UK to this effect. There address is activation_code@accountant.com.
Once again, we say thank you for your loyalty and seriousness towards the growth of this establishment in your country, not minding your predicament.
Reply immediately when you get a mail from the bank.
Sincerely,
Mr. Robert.H. Cheng
______________________________________________________________
Subject: From Post Bank – Money Transfer Information - Urgent!
Date: 3/1/07 8:52 A.M. Central Standard Time
From: activation_code@accountant.com
ATTN: Dr. Svetlana Petrokov,
We are asked to transfer the sum of $400,000.00 from Mr. Robert Cheng of Jiangsu Tianyin Chemical Co. Ltd to the bank account stated below:
Powered By: PostBank® Online Banking
Bank Transfer Order Nr.: PA 230-121-9450 UK
Transfer Status: ON HOLD
Bank Name: Bank Of Moscow
Holder's Name: Igor Vilanovski
Bank Code Number / BLZ: 009547654
Account Number: 3497721007
You are advice to pay the Cost of Transfer (COT), which is to the tune of $2,000.00 USD United States Dollars which is 52,262.00 Russia Rubles to the Account Officers Information stated below via Western Union Money Transfer.
Receiver's Name: Mr. David John.
Address: Postbank. LONDON, W1S2UD. ENGLAND.
You are to send the Money Transfer Control Number and test question and answer back to this department for onward completion of the transfer to your account.
Thank you for using Postbank® transfer. We look forward to serving your online payment needs in the future.
Postbank Payment Team.
Tel: +44 (701) 113 5481.
Fax:+44 (709) 288 2099.
www.postbank.com
______________________________________________________________
Subject: I Contacted The Bank
Date: 3/1/07 10:32 A.M. Central Standard Time
From: SvetlanaPetrokov@gmail.com
Mr. Cheng,
As you ordered, I contacted Postbank and gave them my account information. I apparently owe a $2,000 Cost of Transfer fee to obtain the funds.
P.S. I do hope they keep my assumed name in the strictest confidence. I wouldn’t want to have to use the cyanide lozenge I keep in the heel of my shoe.
Dr. S.
______________________________________________________________
Subject: Update…
Date: 3/1/07 6:43 A.M. Central Standard Time
From: robcheng_jiangsutianyin@yahoo.com
ATTN: Dr. S.
Sequel to your mail, we believe the company's funds are in capable hands. We have received a mail from Postbank UK that you have been contacted for swift transfer of the said funds into your designated bank account. We are pleased to say that this is a rare achievement and we say thank you in advance.
I will avail myself in Russia immediately when you get the funds transfered.
Sincerely,
Mr. Robert.H. Cheng
______________________________________________________________
Subject: Account Information
Date: 3/1/07 9:20 A.M. Central Standard Time
From: SvetlanaPetrokov@gmail.com
Dear Mr. Cheng,
I am proud you find me a worthy partner, I promise I will never let you down. I assure you I will get the bank their required transfer fee just as soon as I resolve my bill with the Hotel Sovietski. Boris had a bad reaction to a new nerve agent and he set the carpeting on fire. Apparently synthetic shag lets off more deadly gasses than you would think, enough to evacuate a whole floor of German tourists anyway.
P.S. I think I saw Agent Y downstairs in the cocktail lounge ducking behind a brass planter. Never forget, the Americans are ruthless and will not rest until their fist is clenched tightly around the neck of the world. (This includes my neck, which is not as strong as it used to be since the infamous “exploding rucksack incident.”)
Your faithful employee,
S.
________________________________________________________
Check back next time to read the exciting conclusion....
- Will Dr. Petrokov perfect the dubious concoction Apetheron-X?
- Will Agent Y set fire to the Kremlin with his exploding mustache?
- Will Boris The Space Chimp save Western civilization or just
contract mange and scratch himself in public?
